I knew this movie was gonna be terrible since it was directed by the one and only.. Uwe Boll!
First of all, if you’re into video games, you’ve probably heard of Far Cry, a first-person shooter game about an ex US Special Forces who is searching for a female journalist in some South Pacific island full of mercenaries. Supposedly it’s a very interesting game since it was sold over 730,000 units within four months of release.
A couple of days ago I was browsing my Netflix queue until I saw Far Cry on the list. I was like, wait a second.. I didn’t remember adding this to my queue? So then I checked the movie casts and director to see if there were any A or B-list celebrities (since the guy in the movie poster who was supposedly the main character was sorta considered a C-list celebrity), turns out the movie was directed by the infamous UWE BOLL!
Let me tell you a little story about Uwe Boll. This infamous German director is specialized in movies based on video games and so far he single handedly destroyed every single one of them. I don’t know how he was able to convince movie studios or producers to finance all his movies. I honestly think he has no business directing any more video game movies and needs to be banned for life from directing movies. He would take good video games and turn them into horrible movies. He’s like Osama Bin Laden of filmmaking. Seriously! Click here if you want to read more about him.
I should’ve checked the trailer first. That way I wouldn’t have bothered adding this to my Netflix queue. From the trailer alone, you could honestly tell this movie looks cheap and would be one of the worst movies ever. But you know what, at least they got the Hawaiian shirt part right (in the game, the character wears a Hawaiian shirt all the time – not some army camouflage or something). But it was worn for only the first 10 minutes of the movie.
The movie started off with a group of mercenaries stuck in the middle of the jungle at night. All of sudden someone/something started attacking them, killing every man in their group one person at a time. I couldn’t really see who was attacking them since the camera was only showing from the attacker’s point of view, and all I could hear was him breathing heavily with steam coming out of his nose. At that point I said to myself okay, this looks kinda promising. A monster comes out of nowhere and starts attacking a group of fully-equipped mercenaries.. Reminds me of the movie Predator (the one with Arnie though, not the one with Danny Glover).
A few minutes later, I finally found out that this “monster” was supposedly a soldier who was genetically engineered by a crazy scientist to be a super soldier/killing machine. Turns out there wasn’t just one super soldier, apparently this crazy scientist created a bunch of these mofos. When I saw these guys – well I don’t know if it was just a bad makeup – but I thought they didn’t look scary at all.. They looked more like a mime troupe (minus the hair, dark lipstick, funny hat, silly costume and gloves). Not only they have super strength, but these mofos were also bulletproof. Haha yea how about that, huh? A bulletproof-mime-lookin-super-killing-machine. The jokes were awful. The fat guy in the movie (who was supposedly the movie’s comic relief) wasn’t funny at all. In fact, I kinda found him annoying and was hoping someone would shoot him with a bazooka or something. He was loud, too fat, really annoying and was too much into his foot-long sandwich. I pray to God someday people would stop funding Uwe Boll’s movies so he’ll be forced to work as an ice cream street vendor in Berlin.
IndoDONKEY Alert!
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