IndoDONKEY

I honestly do not know what is going on in Hollywood these days.  Almost 60% of the movies made nowadays are 3D, and pretty much all of them are extremely unbelievably BAD.  They just assume since 3D formula worked like wonders with Avatar, then it would work like wonders too with all the other movies.  So far they have turned anything from cartoon to a dance movie into 3D (yes, seriously…a dance movie – look up StreetDance 3D).

I did not really know what had gotten me, but somehow I decided to watch Shark Night 3D – but without the 3D glasses.  No, I did not see this at the theatre.  I knew it was a stupid movie and I am too cheap to watch stupid movies at the theatre.  I got nothing to do on Sunday morning, so I decided to watch it.  I kept my expectation really low….as low as expecting PeeWee Herman wins an Oscar.

You want to know what I thought about the movie?  I thought it was one helluva worst 2011 movie.  It was unbelievably DUMB.  I mean, I kind of kept my expectation really low, but I should have kept it lower.  I would love to know who was the idiot that came up with the script.  It was really BAD, extremely BAD I might add.  First of all, nobody was famous in this movie.  I mean, NOBODY.  They probably could not find any good actors that would want to play in the movie, so they had probably decided to cast all the extras to be the main stars in the movie.  The acting was so so, it was basically just a bunch of college kids running around trying to kill the big bad-ass sharks.

Second, there was a particular scene in the movie which DID NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL!  Sorry for using caps, but I just thought it was extremely ESTUPIDO.  So this black dude was water skiing in the lake.  His friends were stirring the boat and yelling at him to do all the fancy moves – which he did.  All of sudden, there was this shark that came out of nowhere and started chasing the black dude.  The shark finally bit the water ski board, which caused the black dude (sorry, I kept referring him as “the black dude” since 1. He’s black, and 2. I couldn’t remember his name) fell into the water.  So his friends stopped the boat and started yelling at him to come up since they could not see him anywhere in the water (they did not know about the shark).  But the black dude never came up, and they only found the board.  So they went back to the lake house and told everyone how the black dude fell into the water and just disappeared.  You know what happened next?  They found the black dude swim ashore after falling in the middle of the lake…and his right arm (or maybe left arm?) was completely GONE!  Gone as in bitten off by the shark!  Dude was swimming with one arm, probably crossing half of the lake to get ashore, and he ain’t losing much blood.  How the F is that even possible?  He would have died in the process because of losing too much blood! And you know what happened next again?  One of his friends jumped into the lake, trying to find the missing arm……and HE FOUND IT.  First of all, how the F would you know where to find the arm.  It was one big-ass lake!  And the boy found it within a few minutes.  Whomever wrote this screenplay deserves to get shot in the head.

If I had to write all the stupid scenes that I saw in the movie, it would probably take me hours to describe each one of them in this blog.  The movie was just incredible.  I mean, incredibly stupid.  Oh, and have I told you that these sharks were wearing video cameras.  Yes, they were.  Turns out there is a group of bad guys who are behind this (and obviously, they are all rednecks).  So those sharks being in the lake was not just coincidence.  It was part of one big evil plan.  The plan was, they would install the video cameras on the sharks’ heads and they would release them in the lake, hoping the sharks would eat anyone that come in their way.  When that happens, the whole “eating” process would get recorded, and these bad boys would sell the tapes to the Shark Week show.  They believe they would make big bucks from selling the tapes.  How stupid is that?

IndoDONKEY Alert!

Seriously.

What the F is WWF exactly trying to do?  Find the next Dwayne Johnson (a.k.a. The Rock)?  Honestly, I like The Rock better than John Cena.  Better acting and looks more charismatic.  John Cena, on the other hand, looks more like a Hollywood club bouncer.  He seems like a nice guy, but I am pretty sure he would end up getting cast for the same character over and over….just like Steven Seagal.

I kinda liked the work that he did on the first movie though, The Marine.  I think he has done a pretty good job in the movie, being a marine who was trying to save his kidnapped wife.  Even though the plot was pretty boring and unoriginal, but I cannot say I was not entertained watching it.  After making The Marine, he went on making another movie, 12 Rounds.  Guess what the plot was?  Detective Danny Fisher discovers his girlfriend has been kidnapped by a ex-con tied to Fisher’s past, and he’ll have to successfully complete 12 challenges in order to secure her safe release.  Oh reeeaaallllyy?  Saving your kidnapped girlfriend?

Now he teamed up with Amy Smart and the nerd from Can’t Hardly Wait (the one who got dumped by Jennifer Love Hewitt) in The Reunion.  It is a story about a group of step siblings (same father but different mothers) who completely lost touch for years and one day they were reunited after their father passed away only to realize that they were about to inherit $3 million each – under one condition, they would have to work on a family business for 2 years to receive the windfall.

15 minutes into it, I knew the movie was gonna suck.  Actually, 3 minutes into it once I saw that dude from Can’t Hardly Wait, I immediately knew the movie was gonna suck.  Oh you know one thing that I notice when I see John Cena, this guy has tremendously big wrists!  I kid you not!  His wrists are about as thick as my legs, which make him look kinda weird.  He looks way too big and too buff for a guy his size.  Unless if he is 6 foot 5 inches tall, that would have been different.  But unfortunately, he is only 6-foot tall.  Probably 6’1″ max.  Dude needs to lose weight a little and slim down a bit, so he would not look like Popeye – if you know what I mean.

IndoDONKEY Alert!

Man….

I thought this movie was all about suspense.  Turns out it was more gory than I thought.  The first hour was just okay, started pretty slow.  The rape scene just looks so real.  I have read some of the reviews out there, and there are some people saying that the only reason why they watch the movie is because of the rape scene – which I thought it was pretty sick.

The storyline revolves around this one girl, who happens to be a one hot puppy.  She was just minding her own business – writing a book in the middle of nowhere, then all of sudden four rednecks showed up at her cabin and started harassing her.  She was basically raped by four guys (well, five if you count the retard whom was forced to rape her, too).  They did not really cast anyone famous to play in the movie, yet I truly enjoyed watching it since their acting was simply incredible.  It really took the suspense to another level.  Of course, there is a happy ending in the end – though they did not really explain how she was able to survive and managed to get all the tools she needed to get even with those guys.  I hope that is what they do to all the rapists out there.  Whoooupss..sorry for the spoiler.

IndoDONKEY Alert!

So I’ve seen The Darkest Hour trailer like a hundred times.  Based on the trailer alone, the movie looks pretty promising.  It’s another alien invasion again, this time the aliens look so advanced that it somewhat looks impossible for you to beat them.  Check out the trailer below!

Anyways, I decided to watch it since I got nothing to do on weekends.  It was either this movie or the other horse one (you know, the one that was directed by Spielberg).  The other one was about the friendship between a guy and a horse.  Since I’m not really a big fan of movie about horses, I decided to settle with The Darkest Hour.  Besides, this movie has Emile Hirsch in it, and they guy rarely makes bad movies (i.e. Into the Wild, Taking Woodstock, Milk, and The Girl Next Door).

The first few minutes was okay, but 45 minutes going into the movie, I was like when does this movie ever end?!  I seriously started counting down, hoping the good guys will eventually beat the aliens, then the closing credit, and bam….I’m outta theatre.  A couple of things that really bother me:

• The aliens look like glowing jelly fish.  I mean, seriously…they all look like glowing jelly fish.  At first, I didn’t really notice it.  But after a while, I began to think wait a minute, these aliens look exactly like jelly fish!  Except for the fact that they’re kinda glowing orange.  And you don’t even know the physical structure of these aliens.  There are a couple of scenes where the good guys were shooting at them with some sort of big-funny-lookin’ microwave guns (so as they say) and we could finally see what the aliens look like.  They’re like small midgets, but real ugly.  And they’re in some sort of special suit which makes them invisible during the day and glow orange whenever there’s electricity around…or something like that.
• There’s one scene where it just completely doesn’t make any sense!  So they were on a boat going down the river, then all of sudden something exploded which threw them into the water.  When they finally emerged, they couldn’t find this one girl and they thought the girl had drown and dead.  But a few minutes later, someone shot a flare gun and turns out it was the girl.  The problem is, the girl was like in the middle of some buildings near the river.  I was like, how the hell did she end up there?  I mean, everyone was on the boat, then the explosion happened which threw everyone into the water.  But somehow this girl was able to emerge ahead of everyone else, swam and got out of the water (while everyone was still under the water) without waiting for anyone, ran all the way to the nearby building and hid.  And when she realized she couldn’t find anyone, she shot the flare gun hoping everyone would find her.  I mean, WTH man?  She should’ve figured out why she couldn’t find her friends.  Or she should’ve just stayed in the water since that’s where everyone was.  Tsk tsk tsk….
• The microwave gun looks exactly like a big-ass squirt gun.  Seriously……
• The reason behind the invasion is copper and steel.  Yes, the aliens decided to come to earth not because they wanted to get our women and children, or build a freakin’ alien real estate and migrate all of their alien population to earth, or mine all the gold, diamond and oil, or perhaps eat humans.  Nope, they don’t want any of that.  They just want to mine copper and steel…..that’s it.

Whoaaa I just realized I’ve been neglecting this blog for more than a year!  I believe my last post was back in April, 2010….Holy cow!  Well, it’s not like I haven’t watched a lot of movies, I actually have and have probably seen way too many movies since my last posting. I don’t think I’d be able to catch up with the writing if I had to write a review for every single movie that I’ve seen the past 12+ months.

Anyways, this past few days I’ve been trying to find some good Indonesian movies.  Good things about Indonesian movies are they’re not too heavy (meaning it’s more like pop-corn type of movie, easy to digest) and the good guys always win.  Oh and also, they’re free (thanks to YouTube).  The only problem that I have now is to find a really good Indonesian movie.  To be honest with you, I don’t really keep up with Indonesian movie industry at all.  Too much drama..more drama than Hollywood, I’d say.  So for me to find the latest Indo movies, I really have to depend so much on YouTube.  The weird thing is, so far the ones that I’ve found are Indo horror movies.  Somehow people are starting to obsess with horror movies, so the studios are trying to feed the masses by making as many horror movies as they could.  The result is we now have a bunch of really bad quality horror movies that don’t even make any sense whatsoever!

Here are some of the ones that I’ve found recently:

• Anak Setan (Satan’s Child or maybe Evil Kid – really depends on the context of the movie)
• Arwah Goyang Karawang (The Karawang Move Spirit – honestly I don’t how to properly translate “Goyang Karawang”. I think it’s some sort of traditional dance move)
• Dedemit Gunung Kidul (The Kidul Mountain Big-Fat Ghost – I think that’s the correct way to translate “Dedemit.” They say “Dedemit” is some type of a ghost, only bigger and fatter)
• Dikejar Setan (Chased by the Ghost)
• Hantu Biang Kerok (The Troublemaker Ghost – What the hell….?)
• Hantu Binal Jembatan Semanggi (The Semanggi Bridge Slutty Ghost – this is even worse)
• Hantu Puncak Datang Bulan (The Menstruated Peak Ghost – never knew ghosts could menstruate, too)
• Jeritan Kuntilanak (The Screaming Female Ghost)
• Kuntilanak Kamar Mayat (The Mortuary Female Ghost)
• Kuntilanak 2 (The Female Ghost 2)
• Kuntilanak 3 (The Female Ghost 3 – OK seriously, I don’t know what the obsession is with this female ghost. They even made the sequels and spin-offs of these female ghost movies…my God)
• Dendam Kuntilanak (The Revenge of Female Ghost – oh here’s another one)
• And last but not least, the Pocong series:
• Pocong Jum’at Kliwon
• Pocong Kamar Sebelah
• Pocong Keliling
• Pocong Ngesot
• Pocong Rumah Angker
• Pocong Setan Jompo
• Pocong 2
• Pocong 3

Look, I have no problems at all with Nicholas Sparks.  I’ve read some of his books (Message in a Bottle and The Notebook), and watched some of the movies that based on his books (Message in a Bottle, The Notebook and Dear John).  Dear John was a mistake, by the way.  I was dragged to see that one even though I knew watching Duke from GI Joe falling in love with Dakota Fanning wasn’t something that I would enjoy watching.

Anyways, I found this on Cracked.com and thought I’d like to share with you all – in case if you want to make your own Nicholas Spark movie..  Hahahahahaa..

I wonder what would have happened if Nicholas Spark was the one who wrote  the other stuff…

So this is another movie that was supposedly based on a very popular (children) book?  I knew it was gonna suck and I shouldn’t have wasted my time watching it.  I wonder whose brilliant idea to cast James Bond to be the centaur leader.  Why him though?  Every time I saw his face, I kept wishing he would put on his tux and started shooting everyone with his mini-super-spy gun..  Hahahahhaa..

The black dude who was half human, half goat really annoyed the hell out of me.  He was supposedly “the protector” – someone who protects Percy from anyone who wants to kill him – however, seeing the way he fought, I was seriously in doubt he could protect Percy.  Dude walked around with freakin’ forearm crutches.  Come on now!  How in the world would Percy Jackson be safe from the evil gods/monsters if his only protector walks around with freakin’ forearm crutches?!  They never really showed us if this guy could fight, shoot arrows or maybe have some sword fighting skills or something.  Throughout the movie, I somehow kept wishing he would at least be able to shoot laser from his eyes or something.

Percy Jackson is half god, half human.  His dad is Poseidon, and his mom is basically a mortal human.  His dad left when he was still 3 years old, because supposedly there was unwritten rule somewhere that says when a god is married to a mortal human, then he/she will not be able to stay with his/her family after the child is born.

So Percy Jackson didn’t even know anything about his dad and him being half god, half human until sometime later when he was on a school trip to a museum, one of his teachers all of sudden turned into a really fugly monster with wings and tried to kill him.  He was like, “WTF IS THAT?!”  Then his other teacher, James Bond (or whatever Pierce Brosnan’s character name is) showed up and said, “Well son, you are half god, half human..  And I think that monster wants Zeus’ lightning because she thinks you stole it.”   Heh thanks to his mom who kept her mouth shut about this for 17 years and didn’t even tell anything to young Percy.  Had he known about him being half god half human soon, at least he would’ve been prepared to face the fugly monster with wings.  So basically that’s the whole plot.  Someone stole Zeus’ lightning and somehow spread the word in the god’s world that some young kid named Percy Jackson stole it.  Come on, seriously..  You think gods are that dumb to believe that some 17-year-old kid who had no superpowers, let alone knowing his dad is Poseidon, was able to go (or fly) all the way up to god’s world and somehow stole Zeus’ super duper lightning sword (or whatever) right under his nose…  Tsk tsk tsk tsk….  Thank God I was streaming this movie for free.

IndoDONKEY Alert!

So I’ve heard a lot of people talking about how good this movie is and how it’s much better than Marley and Me.  I was like, AW COME ON!  Marley and Me is like one of the best movies about dogs that I’ve seen by far..  It’s even much better than Lassie!  OK well Lassie is a TV show, so can’t really compare that one with Marley and Me.  Totally different.  I guess I can just say Marley and Me is much better than Scooby Doo?

Hachiko (or Hachi) is the name of the dog that Parker Wilson (Richard Gere) found at the train station when he was on the way home.  For the next few days, he was trying to find out whom Hachiko belonged to.  He put up ads everywhere, and he was also trying to give him up for donation.  But somewhere along the way, he started to fall in love with Hachiko.  So he decided to keep him.  His friend said, “It wasn’t you who found him..  He found you.”

Hachiko is actually an American adaption of a Japanese tale about a loyal dog named Hachiko.  The dog would accompany his master to the train station every day and return each afternoon to greet him after work.  One day, his master passed away and never returned to the station.  Hachiko faithfully returned to the same spot at the station the very next day, and every day for the next nine years to wait for his beloved master until he finally died.  It is truly a sad story and I was really touched by his devotion, love, compassion and unyielding loyalty.  It’s one of the best movies I’ve seen by far, and I was really surprised that this one didn’t even come out in the theater.

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” – Josh Billings (American Humorist , 1818-1885)

IndoDONKEY Alert!

I think this movie should’ve been called a journey to dreamland because it really did send me to dreamland.. Zzzzzz..  No offense to you, Mr. Tim Burton.  I think you are a fine director, and throughout these years I have very much enjoyed all your movies – starting from Batman, Batman Returns, Edward Scissorhands, Mars Attacks, Sleepy Hollow, all the way to Big Fish and Sweeney Todd.

This recent one, on the other hand, I have to say I’m not really too fond of it.  It literally put me to sleep..  And I actually never fall asleep in the theater.  Ever.  Okay well maybe just once, a few years ago when I went to see the most boring movie ever made in the planet, Thin Red Line.  The movie sucked so bad, I was contemplating on walking out in the middle of it and asking for a refund.  But I’m not saying Alice in Wonderland as bad as Thin Red Line..  Oh no, not at all.  The movie is much much better than Thin Red Line, but they both are equally boring as hell.

I think the only great thing about the movie is Johnny Depp.  Thank God Tim Burton decided to put Johnny Depp in this movie.  I couldn’t imagine what the movie would’ve been like without Johnny Depp.  He really saved this one from being super duper boring.  He was so buried under heavy makeup, I literally couldn’t even recognize him in the movie.  But you know, I kinda felt that Pee-wee Herman would’ve been great playing the character that Johnny Depp was playing.  To be honest with you, I think it would’ve been awesome if they had Pee-wee Herman in the movie.

Okay maybe I should’ve seen this movie in 3D.  Had I done that, that would’ve probably changed my opinion about this movie.  I decided not to see it in 3D because it was always sold out and I was just too lazy to wait until the next day to see it.  Besides, I read the book many many times before when I was a kid, so I pretty much already knew the storyline.  Ah well..  Such a disappointment.

IndoDONKEY Alert!

Up in the Air is a story of Ryan Bingham, whose job is to fire people.  He flies 320 days a year, he’s living out of a suitcase and his main goal is to rack up frequent flyer miles until he reaches 10 million miles.  His secondary job he has is to give motivational speeches on relieving one’s life of excess physical and emotional baggage.  He’s not close to any of his siblings nor does he ever want to have a family.  When his boss hires a 20-something year-old overachieving woman named Natalie Keener, she develops a new method to fire someone by doing it via remote computer access.  Obviously this has threatened the existence Ryan has so cherished, taking him out of his comfort zone – which is flying around the country while accumulating frequent flyer miles.  He believes that Natalie doesn’t understand the nature of the business, so their boss (who is played by Justin Bateman – whom I think is perfect for the character) suggests that she accompany Ryan on a business trip.  That’s when the adventure begins.

Such a cute movie.  I heard so many good reviews about the movie prior to watching it.  I’d definitely recommend this to you guys (and girls)…  Highly recommend it, I might add.  The movie was very entertaining, cute and even the chemistry between all the three stars – George Clooney, Vera Farmiga and Anna Kendrick – was great.  Jason Bateman was awesome in the movie, even though he only showed up for a few minutes.  I honestly think Anna Kendrick gave the best performance in the movie – she was smart, witty and definitely stole the spotlight from both George Clooney and Vera Farmiga.  I was really impressed with her acting, considering she was the youngest amongst the other actors in the movie.  After watching this movie, I kinda felt sorry to the character that George Clooney was playing (Ryan Bingham).  He was lonely, never made himself attached to anyone for a while – by the time he felt he was ready to change and make a connection with the woman he was falling for, turns out she’s already married (SPOIL ALERT!).  That’s just really messed up.  Ryan Bingham was the epitome of “success”, with money, prestige and a great career.  He felt he was at the top of his game and didn’t need anyone.  All of sudden the tables suddenly turned.

I guess the point of the movie is no matter how successful you are, how much money you have or how great your career is, if you don’t have anyone to share with..  Then what’s the point?  If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life…  Were you alone?  Life is better with company.  Much much better.

IndoDONKEY Alert!